Love is of God
God is love and He that is born of God loves, but he that does not love does not know God. (1 John 4:7-8).
7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
To be born of God is to be born again by the spirit, as per (John 3:1-5).
1 There was a man of the Pharisees, named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews:
2 The same came to Jesus by night, and said unto him, Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him.
3 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.
4 Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter the second time into his mother’s womb, and be born?
5 Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.
Therefore to know the Word is to love because the Word is God, John 1;1.
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
I only found out what true love was when I became a born-again Christian when I felt the love of God being poured into my heart as I prayed and studied the scriptures, and realised that the more I understood the scriptures the more prolonged the love of God in my heart. Being a human being though, the lusts of the world do tend to take us away from that kind of love at times, and I did not realise that it could fade away quite quickly. I experienced love, lost it, and then found it again but this time I am more dedicated to God than before because to love Him is to do His commandments, John 14:15,
If ye love me, keep my commandments.
and to do His commandments is to abide in His love, John 15:10.
If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.
Conditional versus unconditional love
As a secular person, I had always struggled to understand love, but I did not know that people in reality love conditionally, instead of unconditionally as God did when Jesus laid down His life for his friends/us, (John 15:13).
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
To love conditionally is to allow our emotions to control our circumstances and therefore we flip-flop between being in and out of love. Emotions are things of the soul and therefore, if we do not learn self-control (temperance) which is a fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23),
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
it will affect our will and mind, and make us unstable in all our ways because we become double-minded, (James 1:8).
A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
Emotional love, however, can appear to make us happy when someone shows love toward us, and naturally, we reciprocate that love, but it can be short-lived because one mistake can reverse that love into something negative. We often react badly when someone we love does something we don’t like, even if they don’t mean to hurt us. We forget that we love them and feel angry instead. Why do we let one action change our feelings so quickly?
The answer is that our souls are selfish by nature, and the heart deceitful, (Jeremiah 17:9),
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
and so we need to allow the Holy Spirit to nurture unconditional love in our hearts, Romans 5:5,
And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
and not based on conditions that flip-flop between various emotions. In other words, unconditional love is based on acting upon what is right for the situation regardless of how our emotions try to direct us, where personality, race, gender, or nationality do not come into play. Is that not what Jesus did for humanity? I am not saying that we should continue in the relationship if someone disagrees with us, and our ways are proven to be incompatible, simply because even Jesus did not commit Himself to people as He knew what was in man, John 2:23-25.
23 Now when he was in Jerusalem at the passover, in the feast day, many believed in his name, when they saw the miracles which he did.
24 But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew all men,
25 And needed not that any should testify of man: for he knew what was in man.
The power or ability to love unconditionally can only come from the Holy Spirit Who sheds this love in our hearts (Romans 5:5), and that means we have to be born-again by the spirit and be dedicated to the things of God. Jesus was the first true heavenly/spiritual man to walk the Earth (1 Corinthians 15-45-49),
45 And so it is written, The first man Adam was made a living soul; the last Adam was made a quickening spirit.
46 Howbeit that was not first which is spiritual, but that which is natural; and afterward that which is spiritual.
47 The first man is of the earth, earthy: the second man is the Lord from heaven.
48 As is the earthy, such are they also that are earthy: and as is the heavenly, such are they also that are heavenly.
49 And as we have borne the image of the earthy, we shall also bear the image of the heavenly.
and that is why He could say “Love your enemies, do good, and lend without wanting back,”(Luke 6:35).
But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.
From this verse, we can see that Jesus had unconditional love as He required nothing in return. The same applies to what He did for mankind by laying His life down through His death on the cross (John 10:17-18),
17 Therefore doth my Father love me, because I lay down my life, that I might take it again.
18 No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This commandment have I received of my Father.
i.e. He received nothing back except that He went back to the Father where He came from (John 17:8-11).
8 For I have given unto them the words which thou gavest me; and they have received them, and have known surely that I came out from thee, and they have believed that thou didst send me.
9 I pray for them: I pray not for the world, but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine.
10 And all mine are thine, and thine are mine; and I am glorified in them.
11 And now I am no more in the world, but these are in the world, and I come to thee. Holy Father, keep through thine own name those whom thou hast given me, that they may be one, as we are.
It is up to an individual to believe in Jesus to receive true love in this life, and for the salvation of our minds and bodies when He reappears the second time in the Kingdom of Heaven, Hebrews 9:28. God forces no one, it is a gift of God’s grace.
“So Christ was once offered to bear the sins of many; and unto them that look for him shall he appear the second time without sin unto salvation.”
When my daughter drowned and I was looking for God after she came back to life, I spent 16 years searching many religions and various cultic and new age materials looking for answers, and they all know about giving grace and emotional love, but never unconditional love. It is only Jesus who taught about putting our emotions aside so that we can love those who hate us or lay down our lives for the sake of others, even for humanity.
Emotional love works with unconditional love
Emotional love is a gift from God to all people, specifically to women who need to nurture and take care of their children. If we are honest, there is no doubt that women demonstrate emotional love naturally towards their children, and even to people who are needy, far more than men. Unfortunately, these days men interpret this emotional love as an all-inclusive love and therefore try to imitate their wives when in fact they should be learning unconditional love which is stronger in men than women. 2 Samuel 1:26.
I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women.
The love of Jonathan surpassed the love of women because in some male friendships love is more selfless because it is less emotive or not so circumstantial than that of women.
It is great for men to want to learn to love emotionally and have compassion for the needy, but they must also realize that there is a component of self-control required by not letting emotions control the circumstances when things do not go the way as expected, which I think is what is happening. God, however, never intended that any form of love be reciprocated, or even ungratefulness by the recipient of love to be scorned, when we do someone a good deed as per Luke 6:35, whether for our children or anyone else.
But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.
We therefore understand that emotional love works in conjunction with unconditional love. For example, if I help someone because I feel compassion for that person, it’s because emotional love has touched my soul/heart and thus I desire to help, however, my actions should be based on unconditional love where I require nothing in return otherwise my compassion was not real, exposing that I had an ulterior motive in assisting the person in need. True or God’s love is therefore unconditional whilst emotional love is good to initiate an action out of compassion but should never be used to get personal gain, or be disgruntled for any reason, otherwise, that love becomes conditional and will not last, Luke 6:27-36.
27 But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you,
28 Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.
29 And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloke forbid not to take thy coat also.
30 Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again.
31 And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.
32 For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them.
33 And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same.
34 And if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? for sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again.
35 But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.
36 Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.
Emotional love as seen by human beings
If a person does not understand God’s unconditional love, they tend to expect something in return, whether a favour, friendship, reward, recognition, etc. In this case, their love was conditional because they allowed emotions to rule their good deeds when they expected something in return. Christians should refrain from such practices as they are soulish and carnal, which imitate secular people in the world who do everything to receive a benefit, i.e. nothing is for free and that shows why the world is in the state that it is in.
Emotional love can also be misunderstood for something else. For example:
- I see a pretty girl and think I am in love, when in fact I am in lust. Only when the relationship begins can we decide whether we truly love the person, or whether there was an ulterior motive.
- People sometimes think that they are loving their friends and family when in fact all they are doing is being grateful because someone did something good for them. When that someone stops doing something for them, their love is out the window.
- People think that when someone gives them a present, then they must be loved, but sometimes that is done because of reciprocation, not love. I know this was happening with some of my family members.
- I get married and think I love my wife, but I realize we are incompatible and her attitude begins to disgruntle me. In marriage, we will always have our differences because God made men and women differently but that is how we learn to love unconditionally, and thus God desires that we humble ourselves to each other to foster a happy marriage. God hates divorce Malachi 2:16, we should therefore do everything in our power to make things work by dying to self (soul) and renewing our minds with the Word of God. Those that do have lasting marriages, regardless of the trouble they face.
For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.
Mankind mostly believes that they must love to be loved in return but this is far from the truth. We should love, conditionally and unconditionally, from our will because it is the right thing to do. We should practice emotional love, not to receive a reward, but only to have compassion on people who are in need, whether it’s our children, family, or an outsider we come across who is in need. Of course, safety first, so we must discern the situation unless God guides us to assist. Did Jesus not say “To love your neighbour is to help those in need”? See Luke 10:25-37. People who only do things for a benefit will not help those outside their circle of family and friends when they see them in need.
25 And, behold, a certain lawyer stood up, and tempted him, saying, Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?
26 He said unto him, What is written in the law? how readest thou?
27 And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.
28 And he said unto him, Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live.
29 But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, And who is my neighbour?
30 And Jesus answering said, A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead.
31 And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side.
32 And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side.
33 But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him,
34 And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him.
35 And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.
36 Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the thieves?
37 And he said, He that shewed mercy on him. Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise.